I sit in a spot of sun on this Spring day.
I am remembering…
It was dark when the call came.
“It is Time,” she said.
My mind said “no.”
It was a five hour drive in the rain
And I didn’t want to go.
When I arrived at your bedside,
She was helping you breathe
as if you were birthing not dying
as if you were dying and birthing.
“You need to tell him,” she said,
“It’s alright to let go;
he is safe.”
Just a few days ago
I had helped you walk in the garden.
“Look!” I said, “this tree is starting to bloom.”
You felt the blossoms with your hand;
You could not see
this tree you had tended for fifty years
again blooming in the Spring.
As you lay in birthing,
Your body small and curled
as if again a babe..
I felt your last breath
as you let go.
Your face relaxed
and lit with a smile.
I did the practical things.
I called my brothers who came.
“You can’t stay here,” they said.
Follow us to a motel.”
I followed down freeways
around and around on ramps,
Until I was totally lost.
Then I went back
And made the couch my bed.
As I drifted off to sleep,
a golden warmth and love
wrapped around me.
“Of course, you can stay here:” you said,
“you are safe in your family home.”
I am remembering–
I spread flowers on the bank of the river
in the place where you were born,
where you rode logs down the river for fun.
You told me of a vivid dream.
you, who never spoke of dreams.
You ran free in the forest.
You were hunting
the forest beautiful around you.
your spirit eager and alive.
As I sit here in a spot of sun.
I see you running
you are running free
as you move without effort
into the Wild.